Once upon a time there was a noble man. He had a special touch with the ladies. He was the fear every bandit had. There is one false thing to this. He was no man he was, a bearded dragon. His name you may ask.  Well there are many answers to this question. Some call him  chupacabra, others call him el Diablo, but by most he is Lizwardo.  He is a great lover of his sword, his hat, justice, and a great Great Great Great lover of women. Now to join this devil on his adventures.  We start off with the Spanish lizard in the wild West. It was a hot blazing day the sun was beating down on you as if it had a whip.  Of course he was having a great restful day, basking as if the sun's whip was a soft blanket of warmth.  Then he hears a scream of the maiden in distress. He heard the sound many times before. So the sound he knew exactly what it was. A bandit mugging a beautiful lady.   He perked up and ran to get his sword of course he was already wearing his hat and his sword was on the cactus right next to the rock he was perched on.  So he was lucky that the bandit was right next to his house, of course the rock he was perched on was in his backyard, he's not to find any rock out of town for they have all been taken by the snakes and other reptiles that live in this town. His town name you may ask, well this town has no name because nobody ever thought it needed one it was already named bye what it was, the only town in the wild West for 10 miles. The the bandit was trying to take what he wanted of course it was a silk purse but what was that doing here in this run downtown? This place was not meant for fine silk. It was of course going to get stolen. There was no way someone from this town would be carrying that in the wide-open. Anybody in this town who would know better than that. Of course it was obviously an outsider, a foreigner. Nobody would come here on purpose. The damsel was a field mouse mouse of course no wonder.
       " Please let me go I was about to be on my way" said the damsel.
       "I know if you were on your way how would I get that purse of yours? I could get some mighty fine boots custom-made of course to fit my warty feet. Do you know how hard it is to find boots that fit these toad feet?" Said the bandit. I was sneaking up on him very quietly so my feet were barely making noise when they touched the hard dry dirt. Oh yeah sorry about the change in the person telling the story.  Now I assume that other dude told you who I am.  Introduced me out and all of that right good, because I'm not doing that. I was sneaking up on him. Drew my sword. sssshhhhiiiiiiinnnnnggggggg. He turned and my sword point was on his neck.  Of course he didn't really have a Long neck. It was just really fat. And ugly.
        "If you make one move I will turn you into a toad shish kebab." I said
        "I was just going to be on my way, I like the boots of yours are they new." Said the toad.
        "You disgust me, leave my site now."
        "Thank you very much sir. Who is it exactly that I'm thinking" said the damsel.
        "My name is Lizwardo." 
        "And who is it that I just saved."
        "That is non of your business" said the field mouse.
        "I just saved you once but you are going to need to be saved again if you keep carrying that purse." I said
        "Oh."
        "Who are you."
        "I am princess Reyna." 
        "Then what are you doing here."
        "I have to get to a kingdom to marry someone."

        "What kingdom?"

        "Do you interrogate very one you save?"

        "I am CURIOS with all the people I save yes."

        "Fine I guess I ow you answers for saving me."

        "Yes you do. I want to know what kingdom you are from, what kingdom you are going to and are you interested in anyone."

        "Fine.  I come from Cornlandia.  I am going to Cottonormia and again marry prince."

        "Oh yah, whoops.  Any way, Why did you come here?"

        "Because I was looking for you."

        "Doesn't sound like your not interested in me, come on admit it."

        "No, because my dad herd how many bandits you have put to jail.  He wants you to protect me."

        "I do not like to make long trips."

        "My dad promised 50,000 pesos."

        "You got yourself a deal under three conditions.  Condition one, you do what I say no matter what we might face.  It is a very dangerous journey.  We have to go through  Out Law Desert,  Meridia River, Toe plateau and finally skull gulch. Condition two, you where something else.  Condition three we go to the bar right before we leave."

         "Fine, I hate these cloths anyway because they are to tight and do we have to go to the bar."

         "Yes we do have to go to the bar, I am not going on that long of a trip with out having some rum. Every one needs rum.  And by the way the purse and the shoes have to go."

         "AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW."

         So we where on our way apparently I am helping someone get married and risking my life for a women to marry someone else.  Curse my warm heart.  I am not even supposed to have a warm heart, I am cold blooded.  Reyna was following me and I was just leading the way.  It was a clear blue bright day.  All the shacks and houses where made out of dry, black wood that was black because of all the times that fire had scorched them.  If you could not tell it was not the richest town.  A tumble weed had just passed us, and it made me perk.  I still had not had lunch and I was hungry so I thought for a second that the tumble weed was a cricket but before I launched myself at the tumble weed I stopped my self.  Reyna had to get new clothes and the sooner we got clothes the sooner we could get lunch. We went past the barber (of course he was only for mammals), past the bar, Swords Are Us, right to the Clothes and Were Store.